I had to wait to post this. I had to have a little time to let it all sink in. I haven't had a break in eight months(I'm writing this on a Friday morning at 2:30 AM), with the occasional holiday that seems to disappear like lighters or a good pen. Eight months is a long time and but I guess maybe it isn't. Regardless, I was beyond due for some time to relax and not think so much. My flight was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon and Sunday night, I got the awful news that I lost my grandmother. My last line of defense, my protector and the most gangster and loving lady I've ever known. Paris meant nothing to me just like that. The next day, I was with family. I was supposed to be. I wasn't running off of what I wanted, I was running off of what was needed. The scary part was, I knew she was sick, I knew she didn't have long and I made it a point to see her as often as I could and I still feel like I didn't do enough. In that position, you feel like you never do. I spent the day in the funeral home helping with arrangement and after that at her home going through pictures, helping to get things together for her program. I walked outside overwhelmed by the emotion of it all to where my dad and older cousin were. As me and my other cousin, Dirah, walked out, they had asked if we had packed. Of course I hadn't, but I honestly still wanted to go and I think that was really ripping me apart. I'll never forget what my cousin said to me "you did all you could, you have to go for her. And you have to take her with you." I'd be lying if I said I needed a ton of convincing but that's what I needed to hear. That's what I was going to do.
The trip was already going to be intense for me because I had built this up to be the end all be all of inspiration and motivation I desperately needed after an eight month span where I buried myself to become busy to not think or feel too much. "Paris will fix it" was all I was banking on. Naive? Of course it is. Luckily for me, Paris and London turned out to be exactly what I thought they would be. Paris was gorgeous from the moment I got off the plan and drove through the city to get to the hotel. I can not explain how gorgeous the architecture is in this city. I could have walked anywhere aimlessly for 7 days and been fine.